


The Meaning of Life

by KiddoPhantomhive



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: A lot of work is going into this, DeathStar is underrated, Important lessons, M/M, Pretty fucking angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-07 17:10:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15223871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiddoPhantomhive/pseuds/KiddoPhantomhive
Summary: Secrets. No matter how true of a person you can be, everybody has their own demons. The battle is not always yours to fight. However, you should always try and compromise with someone else's side of the story. Your opinion is not higher than anyone else's.There is always more than one side of the story. The truth will prevail.Death the Kid has the privilege to see the world through BlackStar's eyes. Raw and unfiltered, all of the feelings the assassin has kept throughout their relationship will surface.Though, these visions are fragmented and must be found in order. The Shinigami cannot access part three without finding number two.Every soul has a place in this world, every life has meaning. One selfish choice has serious consequences. Kid will learn what the meaning of life is while looking into someone else's. You never truly know what somebody is going through until you go through it yourself. There is more than just an egotistical core."Why are you still here?""I just want you to forgive me."





	1. Introduction

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**Legend**  
Regular - Present  
_Italic_ \- Flashback  
**Bold** \- Alternate version

 

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\--------------------------------------

The first anniversary is vital to any couple, especially to the DeathStar pair. Nobody ever thought they would last past the first week. Perhaps, some of this happiness was the fact that they managed to prove everybody wrong, even Lord Death. Both technicians were at the ripe age of eighteen. Young love wasn't supposed to last, both of them knew that going in. The two vowed never to let this ruin their friendship, no matter how intense it may get. However, nobody expected for their bond to grow as strong as it did. How would anybody ever love somebody as arrogant and idiotic as BlackStar? How could somebody as up-tight and firm as Kid loosen his grip?

"That was so fun!" the Warrior God exclaimed as the two entered Gallow's Mansion after a night at the carnival. So much thought went into this night that any error would've been devastating. The reaper looked over at BlackStar with a small upward turn of his lips. This was precisely what he wanted. Tonight was meant to be fun and uplifting; it was a success. The aura changed as the door clicked shut behind Kid as he released a deep sigh.

Did the assassin look a bit... yellow? The grim reaper swore that he saw a tinge of yellow in BlackStar's face. The energetic figure was currently in a white hoodie with a black star in the middle (a given) and loose, black sweatpants. His body was covered in fabric. Of course, Kid could go without the clothes. However, BlackStar hasn't been in the mood for that, lately.

"Are you hungry?" the silence was broken by a fundamental question. Kid was already heading to the kitchen; there was no way BlackStar wouldn't even have a tinge of hunger. He knew that boy well; he was always starving for something.

"No, I'm good." That answer itself was a red flag.

"You're always hungry." Kid's voice now had a tinge of concern. Golden eyes were now piercing through whatever lies BlackStar could be giving off. The technician broke the gaze sheepishly, his blue eyes now finding interest in the floor below. "Are you feeling alright? You do look a bit sick."

BlackStar shook his head. "I'm fine, don't worry about somebody as big as me." The intimidating look soon softened as if he had given up. Though, Kid couldn't just give this up. There was a noticeable diet change that he had become quite worried about. This only confirmed his suspicions. It was time to jump in once again.

"Are you insecure about your body?" The question was full of misunderstanding. A "what the hell" look came from BlackStar. Before he could object, Kid continued. "You haven't been eating as much lately. Are you sure that there isn't something wrong? If there is a problem, you know that we can solve it." 

The Shinigami decided to be nosey and take a peek within BlackStar's soul. After opening his eyes and releasing a breath that he didn't know he was holding, the blue orb became clear. Some would call this helicoptering, though, Kid just wanted to be sure that the Bushin didn't have something off. Doing this only helped his case further. If he wasn't hallucinating, BlackStar's soul looked a bit pale. It was like it was losing its color. Instead of arrogance, it showed... weakness? No, that wasn't the word. Vulnerability? Sadness? Those weren't it. Kid couldn't quite place his finger on whatever was going on. It was like the soul was trapped in something he couldn't see. Maybe if he looked at it closer, the reaper could see something. The assassin soon caught onto what he was doing and shooed him away.

"Quit looking!" he scolded, covering his chest as if it helped. A huff of annoyance escaped BlackStar's lips. "Nothing is wrong; I'm just tired. Just drop it." 

He was becoming easily agitated. As much as it was bugging him, Kid decided to oblige and drop the situation entirely. "If that's what you wish." Pure defeat was the only thing that could describe his tone. He was only concerned, yet he was pushed away. Kid didn't quite understand why BlackStar suddenly was so ornery. Perhaps, he already knew. The Shinigami had to give him credit when it was due; you couldn't ever hide anything from BlackStar. He always knew what was up when it was up. That must be why he's acting so strange. There is no other reason why the Bushin would be so irritated with him. He was always somewhat pissed whenever Kid left. Maybe it was because he knew that it would be for a long time. Promises for a soon homecoming were still broken. Could Kid even imagine or compare that pain? That void? It wasn't like BlackStar ever had to leave for that long. How would Kid feel if he just abandoned him like that? 

Another thick silence was occurring. Kid was aimlessly standing in the kitchen doorway while BlackStar was still doing everything he could to avoid his gaze. _'He looks guilty,'_ the reaper thought to himself. He knew. This was just another cycle that they would never get out of. Kid would approach him with another mission, BlackStar would be frustrated, Kid would leave, then BlackStar would feel guilty. It wasn't like a long-term relationship was expected out of the two. Though, this wasn't anywhere near the end.

"I assume that you know." The statement caused BlackStar to grimace. The tense aura only thickened as the Bushin turned to meet the Shinigami's gaze.

"Know what?"

"About the mission that I took."

Sky blue eyes widened like a deer in headlights. "A mission?" His face showed complete disbelief. Great, he didn't know, and it would start a fight. The last thing Kid wanted to do was fight on their anniversary. The Shinigami watched as BlackStar's face changed from worried to furious in a split second. When that stone-cold expression softened into something more fragile, the reaper found himself baffled. _'He must be mustering up whatever he has to scream at me,'_ he thought, waiting for some sort of reaction from the assassin whether it be pissy or disappointed. When he wasn't getting anything, Kid found himself worrying.

"I'll be home before you notice." The gears in BlackStar's head were turning, he could see it. What was he doing? Was he coming up with a response that would destroy Kid? Or was he trying to maintain his cool? They were working on the assassin's temper, perhaps he was starting to take some of the teachings into account-

"I always notice." The shakiness in his tone made him seem vulnerable. This definitely wasn't the BlackStar he knew talking. "Do you think I'm just some sort of little kid that waits for their mom to come home from the store? I'm eighteen, you can start treating me like it." There was the venom that Kid was waiting for. Maybe, the reaper should quit taking any mission that he could get his hands on. Though, he was never expecting this to be long-term. It was just that BlackStar was so infatuated with him that Kid fed on it continuously. He was like a clingy child. Of course, that was for reasons that the Shinigami often compromised with.

What could he say? It wasn't like Kid could just take it back and say that he didn't want to go. Taking note that BlackStar's hand was now placed on his lower abdomen, the calm Death God made sure to keep his cool aura. "I didn't mean it like that, BlackStar. You know that."

A soul of glass and a mind of stone, the assassin had that fire in his eyes that told him that he wasn't giving up his case quite yet. "Do you have to go?" The previous case was dropped, now it was just another round of BlackStar trying to get Kid to stay for just a bit longer. "You already missed my birthday. I'll tell ya what, you can make it up to somebody like me by staying this time. You won't regret it."

That bounce in his tone severely irritated the grim reaper. "Is this some sort of joke to you?" That earned him a confused look from the Bushin. "Father designated this mission specifically for me to handle. I can't just go back on it."

The cold look that Kid had taken note of earlier appeared back onto BlackStar's face. It was as if his mind and heart were battling for control over what he wanted to say. "I just need you to stay this time," he mumbled, his cheeky nature surfacing. "Is it that hard for your little mind to wrap around?"

"Why?" the question boomed, almost startling the assassin in his tracks. Golden eyes pierced into the oddly reacting BlackStar. "You don't need me to stay, you want me to stay. I've told you this from the beginning; I can't."

Sky blue eyes now narrowed to meet the glare. "'Cos school is more important, right?" the response matched Kid's growing rage. "You should've ignored me all those other times, then. This one's important-"

"If it's so important, then why can't you tell me?"

BlackStar sighed silently. "You just wouldn't get it. I don't even wanna say it." This wasn't only odd, Kid was beginning to think that the Bushin was delusional. It was as if he couldn't control his mind or emotions. However, he was beyond the point of understanding. These games were always played, and the reaper was growing quite bored. It couldn't be denied that every radar that was implanted in his mind was screaming that something was wrong. What wouldn't he get? Was Kid that far from comprehending the mind of a boy? Why couldn't he know? The poor emo-looking boy was too busy bombarding himself in thoughts to even see BlackStar walking towards him, stopping right in front of him like a child craving attention. "Just trust me."

What was he supposed to trust? Of course, if he had the most significant piece of the puzzle, it would become clear. It was just like BlackStar to be stubborn about something like this. Kid was beyond frustrated at this point. As he looked into the assassin's eyes, something just did not look right. The lighting in here was awful. Once he returned, all of the lightbulbs needed to be changed. There was no way that BlackStar had a yellow tinge in his skin or eyes. "You look exhausted. Sleep would do you more good than arguing." This examination revealed how exhausted the Bushin actually looked. The bags under his eyes looked definite, and his cheeks were noticeably hollowed. Has he lost weight? No, he couldn't do that without Kid noticing until now. Believe it or not, the grim reaper wasn't that flimsy. 

"I'm not fucking tired." The venom was back, plus it was harsh. "I'm a god, I can fend for myself! You're not always gonna be around to baby me." That was a jab at Kid continually leaving, BlackStar was sure to make that apparent. If he wanted to be snippy, that was just fine. Kid could drop to his level, furthermore playing the same game. "It's just a lot for me to say."

The Shinigami rolled his eyes at the stupid remark. "If you aren't going to work with me, then why should I even bother giving you a chance to explain yourself? Seems like a waste of time, wouldn't you say?"

That ignited all of the rage BlackStar had left. "Are you calling me a fucking waste of time?!" BlackStar's voice was raising with the simmering anger. Kid could see the steam coming from his head. What was the use in playing these childish games? There were more important things to be done. The said technician really wasn't in the mood to be screamed at. 

"Maybe you should just go home." Saying that hurt him more than it should. On a scale of one to pissed, BlackStar was off the charts. Though, anger wasn't the only thing that stood out about his behavior. It was something that Kid just couldn't quite place his finger on. Did he care even to try? It wasn't like the Bushin was one to reason with. "You're obviously steaming because I can obtain more high-quality missions than you. I'm not acting this way when you leave, am I?"

Since Kid was already up against the doorframe, BlackStar easily had the advantage. Before it could even be processed, a considerable _BANG_ was heard, that bang being Kid's head slamming against the wall due to BlackStar's arrogance. The assassin immediately backed off, regret filling his once anger-filled face. 

"How could you even say that?" Pain that started from the point of impact was now flooding towards the rest of Kid's head. He huffed, his eyes once again narrowing. "You don't even know what it is and you want to call it a waste of time. Maybe coming here was just a waste of time, huh?"

As he let himself go in anger, the grim reaper found himself returning the favor by shoving BlackStar even harder. The clumsy boy lost his balance, falling into the coffee table behind him, moving it from the impact. As he stepped forward, the reaper felt sick to his stomach. How could he just lose himself like that? That was uncalled for! However, BlackStar did start it. It wasn't like he could just get away with that without blood on his hands. "I don't need to know what it is. You're a waste of breath."

It was that point where the battle was given up. It took a second for BlackStar to rise from the minor destruction, not even bothering to spare Kid another glance. He really couldn't be mad at Kid for retaliating, could he? That's obsurd! As the Death Prince stood his ground, slightly panting from the sudden, intense anger, he watched as BlackStar left without even a goodbye. That would've most likely pissed him off more, anyway. It was a good thing that Liz and Patty were having a slumber party at Maka's place tonight.

Now, how could he replace a coffee table at three in the morning plus without Liz noticing?


	2. Unexpected Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kid returns home from his so-called solo mission to an eerie setting. As he waits for his homecoming party to be arranged, Kiddo encounters BlackStar who seems to be distancing himself from the group for an unknown reason. He finds something that begins his story.

Coming home was something that had both its pros and cons. Was Kid thrilled about finally returning home? Yes and no. Of course, he wanted to see everybody he had left behind. On the other hand, the Death God knew that he would have to deal with BlackStar's temper all over again. Though, guilt was eating him from the inside out. He couldn't help but think about how he lost his cool. That wasn't like him at all. Even though BlackStar was the one who initially started it, that didn't require such a consequential reaction. There was no use in worrying about it now; he would confront it once it became problematic.

As the Death Train reached its destination, pale hands gripped their suitcase just a bit harder. If Kid was true to himself, his heart was fluttering. He admired his friends more than he would ever let them know. They were the only people who didn't make him feel.. different, let's say. Growing up with a responsibility like that upon a child's shoulders, it's only natural to growing insecurity. 

The train soon came to a stop, the doors sliding open to reveal the faces of his close friends. Well, everyone but one. Kid wasn't expecting BlackStar to come, though, it still stung that the assassin didn't bother to show up. He could've gotten hurt. Was the Bushin that arrogant?

He came to notice that every face enticed some sort of guilt. Deciding to take note instead of acting upon it, the Death God kept observing. 

"How was your trip?" A gentle voice questioned. Without sparing Tsubaki a glance, Kid gathered his things and exited the train. 

"Fine, I suppose. It was trickier than most, which is why Father chose it for me." That assumption may or may not have been correct. It was basic knowledge that Death would reserve specific missions to test his son's skills to see what needed improving. Call it favoritism; Kid didn't mind. It just gave another reason to expand his capabilities in specific criteria. 

"Is that why you're late?" That voice came from Soul. What was unique about all of his friends was that each had such distinct voices that they were hard to miss. Golden eyes peered up at the Death Scythe, giving him a slight nod.

"Initially." 

The Shinigami couldn't help but notice the thick tension. It was so dense that it could be sliced through by Ragnarok. With a suitcase rolling behind the reaper, the squad departed from the train station. After moments of silence, the tension was soon broken by casual bullshitting and arguing. He had to admit, it was hushed without BlackStar around. Without the blue-haired moron around to continually challenge him or one-up him, Kid found himself missing the attention. However, if the assassin didn't care to show up, then why should he bother to ask?

"You came back at the perfect time," the Scythe Master began. The bright sunlight caused her emerald eyes to sparkle, the light wind tossing her hair. Maka Albarn was quite the beauty, to say the least. "Shubisen is hosting a party for your arrival! I mean, it's nothing special, but-"

"It's a pretty big deal," Soul cut in, Maka punching him a little too hard in the arm.

"What is your deal with interrupting me?! Can't you just wait until I'm finished before you open up your big mouth?!" 

A loud laugh soon came from Patty, pointing and yelling the word, "fight!" over and over. Soul only rolled his eyes.

"It's just a party. What all do you need to explain about it?"

Watching Soul and Maka bicker had it's amusing moments, though, sometimes it was better just to tune them out. Narrowed eyes became more interested in the scenery before him. Beautiful was an understatement to describe the day. It was late August, the temperature was starting to cool, and delicate leaves were falling off of the trees. Summer had its advantages; however, Kid heavily preferred spring and autumn. For personal reasons, of course. Ideas that he would get into later. 

KId's favorite part was how the cool breeze brushed along his face. It was refreshing. This was just like the day him and Bl-

"Hey, Kid." Halting his train of thought, the reaper's attention was now on Soul. "Maybe, you should head down to the basketball court and take a couple practice shots while we finish stuff up."

What an odd request.

Did they really not want him to see this party that badly? It isn't a surprise if you've already been told. Even Liz looked confused by Soul's request. Perhaps, there was some sort of light from this. If he wanted to have the energy to put up with BlackStar whenever they encountered, then he couldn't start fighting now. There could be a surprise. But, where would he put his things?

Time seemed to be ticking slower. Soul was waiting for a response. It was as if Kid had the intention of making him wait all day. "Where would I put my things?" he countered, not being too fond of the idea. Why would the Shinigami go down there by himself? It seemed more and more sketchy as he thought about it. "I'm not laying them on the filthy ground."

A soft sigh was released as the red-eyed weapon took his friend's suitcase. "I'll take it for you, then. Just relax." Reluctantly letting go, Kid quit questioning and made the voice to listen to his friend. 

"If you insist."

****

**OOoooOOoooOO**

The walk to the basketball court was a bit lonely. However, a spark of excitement perked through Kid when he found a certain blue-haired Meister that he's been waiting to see. There he was, shooting a basket all by himself. The ball bounced off of the rim, inticing a soft curse from the said boy. Kid felt his lips tilt upwards. "I'm surprised that you didn't care to make your appearance. I'm a bit disappointed, BlackStar."

"I was really debating it, but I have something a lot better planned. Sometimes, a God has to think ahead and plan what he needs to do." It was that same voice; that same attitude that Kid fell for. As the assassin turned to face him, that same dumb smirk was spread on his lips. An odd relief washed Kid's body. Even though they had their falling out, BlackStar was still the same towards him. He wondered if the Bushin carried any grudges.

"I'm sure your plan will be fantastic," the Shinigami remarked before snatching the ball that was forgotten about. Tossing it carelessly into the basket, Kid felt at home already. How BlackStar could always get him to relax was most likely one of the reasons why he was still sane. Before he could challenge the other to a one-on-one, a blue glow caught his eye.

"Do you see that?"

BlackStar cocked a brow. "See what?"

Disregarding his question, Kid made his way to the soft blue glow that could not escape his vision. Something about it just drew his attention. Its origin was the bench that the gang usually sat at once they were finished with a heated basketball game. Once his hand made contact with the blue orb, Kid felt himself lose control of himself entirely.

****

**OooOOooO**

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_"If you have this, you made it."_

_"That's a foul! Your foot was behind the line!" Soul yelled, pointing his finger to prove his point. I only rolled my eyes at the dumb call. He really was a sore loser._

_"What line? This line?" I asked, pointing to the line Soul was bitching about.. So what if my foot was a little behind the line? It wasn't like me, and Soul played by the rules, anyway. "I didn't know that you were such a perfectionist. You're just mad that you lost."_

_Believe it or not, I had other intentions of bringing Soul here other than to whip his ass at a game of basketball. There's actually a lot on my mind, lately. I guess I just can't really understand what it is. I know that Soul was probably my best bet when talking to somebody about personal issues. Sure, Maka and Tsubaki were also on the list. But, this is just a bro thing._

_"Sure," Soul sarcastically agreed. If I'm right, Soul will quit fighting me and accept his fate. Which is good. He admits that he's a loser and I don't have to fight him anymore. I didn't really care about what he had to say at this point. I threw myself onto the bench to try and relieve my sore legs. Damn, I had to choose the hottest day to plan something like this._

__

_"You're at the way beginning. You better watch closely."_

_Before I knew it, my eyes started to get heavy. A nap sounded nice right about now. It wasn't like I had any problem falling asleep, I did it everywhere. That isn't what I came here to do, though. i_

_"You're not falling asleep on me, are ya?" I turned my head, resting my arm on my eyes to block out the damned sun. "Come on. There had to be something more than just playing a game and falling asleep. What did you pull me out of school for?"_

_Was I that shallow? I wasn't expecting Soul to catch on that fast. Maybe it was that I chose to ditch school for this. However he caught on, it was the worst time for him to. This was something I've been thinking about for a while, actually. I haven't gotten any straight answers from anyone I asked, which only irks my ass. I'm pretty sure that Soul has the best solution. I don't want anything logical. I just want the straight answer._

_"Just a question, actually."_

_"Oh no."_

_"It isn't bad," I countered, "at least I don't think it is."_

____

_"You've taught me how to love unconditionally. It's time that I teach you something in return."_

_After Soul went quiet, I took it as an invitation to keep going. But, it was like I didn't know how to. There's probably a lot of ways to do this, I just can't think about it. "Is there something wrong with two boys being a couple? Or two girls?" It's been on my mind for a while. "Because like, you never see it. I've asked a few people, but I keep getting mixed responses out of it. I just want an answer."_

_I guess my question was kind enough to answer this time. Usually, when I ask things like this, I'm brushed off or ignored. I don't understand how people can ignore someone bigger than them, or anybody at all. I don't talk to be ignored, so I don't think anybody else does._

__

_"What do you think?" Soul must think he's hilarious giving me an answer like that. How am I supposed to know? I'm the one asking the question. If he's gonna play some stupid joke on me, I'm not in the mood. But, what do I think about that? I never really thought about what I think, just about what other people think._

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_The more that I thought about it, the more I wasn't phased. "Well, I don't really care. I guess I don't have a problem with anything like that."_

__

_Soul nodded. "Are you trying to tell me something?"_

__

_My brows furrowed. "Tell you what?"_

__

_"That you're gay," Soul quickly responded. He had that weird tone in his voice that implied to me that he was uncomfortable. Why would he be uncomfortable about something like this? It isn't like it's about him. I really am a merciful god allowing Soul to talk to me like this. "I don't really know how to talk about things like that."_

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_"I still don't know why Soul asked me that question. It was like he had lost all faith in who I was- or who I wanted to be. Underestimating is your biggest mistake."_

_My eyes narrowed at the response. It was like Soul was trying to irritate me. "I don't go by any labels, Soul. I like who I like. That's how it is."O_

_My curt reply enticed a smirk from him. He finally turned to look at me again "Then keep it that way. Cool guys don't go by labels. Live your life, however, the fuck you want."_

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_"After that, it was like he regained everything he had before. Maybe he just assumed that I was something that I'm not. Whatever the point is- he's right. Gods like me don't go by labels."_

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_It wasn't a definite answer, but I guess it's what I wanted. It was like a huge weight was lifted from my best. I don't get why it's so hard to talk to people about things like this- especially people you know so well. I understand that I don't talk about this shit to Soul, but we talk about other things. He sucks sometimes, but this is a bro thing. I know that he won't tell anybody, that isn't who he is. It still made me feel sick. Even though it's hotter than hell outside, this is why I'm not feeling good._  


_"And BlackStar." Stopping my thoughts, I turned. "If you ever want to talk about that shit, don't be afraid to ask me."_

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_"Thanks, bro."_

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_"That was probably the weirdest way I've ever got advice from somebody. I knew that day that Soul was my best friend. But, that isn't the only thing that's coming your way. I've listened to you enough, it's time for you to sit down and listen to me. I don't talk for no reason. As I said, you've taught me how to love unconditionally. It's time for me to repay the favor and show you something for once. Something we've talked about a lot. I know that you know what I'm talking about, even if ya play dumb. It's time for two gods to connect truly, ya know? We're both out of this world and need to stick together- even if the other one isn't around."_

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****

**OooOoooOo**

The blue orb in Kid's hands began to fade to lifeless gray. His eyes were widened in shock, hell, he had goosebumps. As the glow faded, the reaper could now see that it wasn't an orb. It looked as if it was broken off of something. Whatever it was, he's seen nothing like it. His mind was flooding with the questions "what?", "where?", "why?", and "how?". Should he tell somebody? What would he say? There had to be more to it than just this.

"What the hell just happened?"

__


End file.
